appreciation is a wonderful thing.
it makes what is excellent in others belong to us a well.
-voltaire-
there have been many people along the way of my life that i know for certain have shaped the person that i have become, and there will be many more to affect the person i am still becoming. i am sure you have that immediately come to mind. let's see.... me? well, a high school spanish teacher, an early mentor in the new working world, a doctor that finally listened, a writer that opened my eyes to the preciousness and fragility of young life, a supervisor who taught me the tricks of the trade, to name a few. every one of these people left me with a gift, no matter how large or how small, and instilled in me a sense of obligation to others that i will most likely never forget.
the same can be said for my ms world of influence-but it's multi-faceted and slightly more personal. i don't attend ms support groups. i hate the ever present question regarding my cane or my gait. i resist speaking to others afflicted with ms. i hate the "my cousin has MS and she's doing great" conversation starter. i look away when i see someone in a wheelchair or walking with a cane. to be totally honest, i can't articulate exactly why i behave in this manner, but i do know that it is an odd combination of fear and embarrassment. but, as we all know, life has twists and turns that puts you smack dab in the middle of situations you would normally go screaming from. (and there is a reason for it, at least 99.4295837% of the time.)
the first when was the fall of 06. the where was my frequently visited neurologist's office in fairfax, va, receiving my 6th or 7th steroid infusion. i remember that eleanor's mom, jean, happened to be in town, and since i was too weak to drive (not to mention being hopped up on pain medication), she offered to accompany me to that day's treatment. quick background: work was insane, our team was under staffed in key areas, and we had we had been pulling 60 hour weeks the majority of the past few months. what fell in my area of "expertise" (and i do use that term jokingly, considering i had not been around the advertising block long enough to acquire such a label) was client service for the upcoming fall and spring promotions, exploratory creative for summer 07 tv, and a last minute sponsorship of a cable television program. the latter wound up requiring a client-supervised taping in Michigan the same week, so to say i was stressed was a complete understatement.
i told her the plan. we sit quietly for the 3 hour treatment, reading a book or the paper, not participating in any banter, then come back to my apartment where I had struck a deal with my boss that I wouldn't come into the office, but I would work from home. (hello, i'm meg morgensen- a health blip wasn't going to keep me down!) this part of the story is otherwise known as denial, the gift of hindsight being 20/20. i usually kept to myself when a patient in the center. i rarely had the energy nor the desire to carry on conversations with people that were most likely feeling as shitty as i was. but that day was different. there was a man there whose personality lit up the room. you could tell that he was charming, and definitely a joker. there wasn't a nurse or doctor there that didn't banter with him as they passed our section of the neurology center. his wife was with him, and she sent out a vibe that was peaceful, calming and kind. you could tell she really adored her husband. i kept sneaking glances over at them, pretending i wasn't interested, but in reality i was intrigued. i don't remember how we struck up a conversation, but before i knew it, the 4 of us were talking like old friends, and those 3 hours that normally dragggggged on? they were over!
the who was robert michael, and his wife's cynthia. he was there for his scheduled 6-8 wk dose of Cytoxan (an immunosupressive drug usually used for cancer, but has been used for people with primary or secondary progressive MS) i'm not sure if he sensed what i was going through, but i have to assume he was, since the struggle between your career and your health is a constant theme among those whose MS is active. i'm pretty sure he had surmised the situation in one glance. by the end of that same day, i had received an email inviting me to dinner at my convenience. unfortunately, we never had the chance to share that dinner (yet!) but since then we've shared a friendship that has continued to inspire me. and he has this uncanny sense of knowing when i'm at my lowest with this battle.
Robert's ready to ride...
this july, robert took part in the PA Dutch MS 150 bike tour fundraiser. his ability to train for and participate in the event was impressive enough, but in typical robert fashion, he took it one step further. he did the event in my honor. and not just a passing phone call of "meg i'm doing this bike ride and i'm going to think about you and the cause!" hell, that would have been awesome in its own right. but, as i said before, this is robert we're talking about, and my name was plastered on every piece of anglo-american collateral there was- fundraising website, cyclist jerseys, autographed handkerchiefs, t-shirts. when he told me this, i was speechless. here he is, battling his own demons in a disease that kicks his ass just as much as mine (if not more), and he's dedicating the moment to me. when all was said and done, he had raised $5,950, and the team over $13,000- all to MS research!
Robert Michael's jersey; Team Anglo-American post-ride
Madisen wants to be the team mascot; Meg waits at the Finish Line
stacie & meg, 7.07
the second when was only a few months ago, when mom began attending the local ms support group at the local hospital. a woman she met there told her about another attendee, jane, who was going through an extremely similar situation. her daughter, the who, is stacie. she lives in boston, and Jane had taken many trips there helping out due to her daughter's limitations. mom reached out to jane, and they met one afternoon. i of course shouted to mom as she left "don't think i'm going to be friends with this woman just b/c you're talking to her mom!" turns out, one of our many similarities was that neither of us wanted to talk to each other in the first place! stacie had a nasty flare that left her vision extremely distorted, her walking is impaired like mine, and she struggled with major denial issues at onset. (sound familiar?) she likewise didn't attend any ms support groups and didn't like talking about her disease with others, especially others that have MS.
but we both changed our mind about that- and around the same time, too. her mother gave me her myspace information, and i spent a solid week clicking on her page a couple times a day, scoping out the situation. after hemming and hawing about what to say or when and how to say it, i finally sent her an email. the result has been a friendship that has been an outlet, a resource, a strength, a role model and above all, a commonality that i desperately needed. her favorite quote to me is "if don't use it, you lose it." and she truly does embrace that philosophy. she is using her love of fitness and certified knowledge in yoga & personal training to produce exercise videos for the disabled- the youthfully disabled at that. our people! ;)
Showing off some yoga moves...
this is why voltaire's quote is so meaningful when i think of people like robert, and stacie... that's one of the best things about having friends and embracing their unique skills and knowledge. before you know it, their best is becoming a part of your world, and you start seeing through their eyes, building on the wisdom & experience that has come before you. and thanks to them, the compassion and love is always there too.
