bridesmaid hangover

in light of recent events, i am considering putting a cap on my friendships. just you guys, no more. consider yourselves lucky that you made the cut. i have mulled over this thought recently, as i now have time for such things. and i've come to a few conclusions...

friends are super high maintenance! you have to talk to them, return their calls, meet them for brunch, send birthday cards (which requires remembering their birthdays), have at least one night of too many shots and drunken booty shakin', support their stupid decisions (these are usually fueled by "love"), oh and there's always this one, cry with them when it doesn't work out. but the main prize of all, and it requires being a REALLY good friend who keeps in touch all those years... and before you know it, you're struggling into that puffy overpriced bridesmaids dress that will no doubt be stained with red wine from flailing arms and bumping into the waiter before the night is over.

now, most of this has never applied to me- clearly my friends are pure class and style all the way (not to mention budget conscious.) and, i'm being 100% honest, none of the dresses have been stereotypically horrific- in fact, most of them i truly love! (but they're still hanging in my closet- one time worn. i sometimes flit around my bedroom in them but that's about as much action as they get.) and 'fess up- what girl doesn't love slipping on a pretty dress with sexy heels, a pearl necklace and a good looking (ideally single) man on her arm. not to mention scoring a portion of the attention (oh come on like you haven't sat in a wedding and checked out the bridal party) from the crowded chapel full of guests.


so, when patty called last thursday and sweetly asked me to be a bridesmaid in her august wedding, i let out an excited and high pitched squeal of acceptance. we chatted for a few quick minutes... got the scoop on the required dress- the skirt is one of those layered numbers that was popular at the academy awards this year. oh, and it's pink! sigh, i'm already envisioning myself twirling around the house in it- breaking it in of course, no outside use... she was at work, we said our goodbyes, mwa mwa! love u! and i snapped my cell phone shut.

BAM! the reality of my acceptance hit me like a freight train. my bright blue cane was glowing at me with a smug little smile blinding light. oh god, oh god, oh god. bridesmaids don't have CANES. bridesmaids don't walk like they've been riding bareback for weeks. bridesmaids saunter. bridesmaids look beautiful and graceful down the aisle. the only thing i had everyone beat in was speed- i'd slow down that pace like a true wedding planner's dream.

but back to the cane. not only were the colors going to clash horrifically, but E! might send the fashion police after me. my mind was already scanning possible scenarios. ok, so i could stash the ol' gal in the back row. maybe i could even place the parents there strategically and we could do a quick hand-off. depending on how many feet the alter was from the back row, i could probably make it with my enhanced hip performance.

i've been using this 3" stretchy wrap around velcro belt to stabilize my body's core- it feels like someone has placed their hands on your hips and is literally balancing your body. unfortunately, it makes you walk like john wayne with full metal gear on. NOT sexy for a refined lady like myself, that's for sure. however, on the positive side, the sash is espresso (very very very dark brown), and this stabilizer belt is black- i think we have a match here!

damn, i wish stairs were involved, i'm pro at sliding down on my ass one step at a time. but i've only been to one wedding where the bride & her people came down a staircase, so the chances are slim to none. but even if i made it cane-less up to the front of the church, how in the hell am i going to stand for 20-30 minutes straight for the ceremony?!? a chair would scream tacky (or people might expect an apolo & julianne performance from last week's Dancing with the Stars . hmmm, well, they did get a 10 from Bruno...) and i'm assuming plopping down indian style would be a bit inappropriate.

alright, let's try another approach. maybe they chose a church with only 1 aisle down the center, therefore the groomsmen would have to accompany the bridesmaids- do you think it would be overstepping my boundaries as a member of the bridal party to request that? yes. but if it worked out that way, i'd simply clutch the gentleman's arm and hang on for dear life. (pretend he is a cane, a giant-sized robot cane.)

oh my god i'm going to RUIN THE WEDDING!!!!

would it be wrong to base my entire recovery on a goal of walking down the aisle for patty's wedding? she is one of my dearest & closest friends, so it would be a motivator- motivators are good, right? oh god, if i told my neurologist and physical therapist i needed a recovery date of august 1 to look normal in a girlfriend's wedding, they'd look at me like i had 3 heads. it's not even my freakin' wedding for god's sake.

ok meg, calm down. you're not going to ruin the wedding. there are more realistic wedding "faux pas" than using a bright blue cane... the photographer could trip over the table holding the cake, for the 1st dance the dj could switch "unforgettable" by nat king cole with "don't cha" by the pussycat dolls/busta rhymes (oops), the rings could fall out of the ring bearer's pocket into the toilet, the bride could accidentally be left at the hotel (this happened at a wedding i was in!), the bar could run out of booze (now that's crossing the line from faux pas to serious problem)... just to name a few. (don't worry patty, none of these will really happen. i made them up with my wild imagination.)

after thinking about all these scenarios, i realized that when it's all said and done, no one is going to care that i am using a bright blue cane. or remember there was a girl with a cane there at all. everyone will be going to be a part of bryan and patty's celebration, which is the whole reason i'm there in the first place- and the most important reason there is.

besides, i'll wrap a pink ribbon around it with a bow on the handle- and look like a total pimp at the reception! now THAT will be unforgettable!

spin doctor

tonight you have caught me in a "moment." i do try to be positive- okay, i admit, at least positive in a cynical way. (i have a feeling that might be a paradox?) but i'm so freakin' frustrated i don't know if i'm going to burst into tears or do something totally violent like rip apart sheets of recycled paper (obviously, i don't get very violent.) however, this is at least a little progress, as a few months ago i would have been sobbing for hours by this point.

i have felt in a physical downturn for the past 10 months, and if you read through my medical records, it will state that in lengthy dr.~ish terms. but for the past month, i am not sure if i'm continuing that trend? or if i have plateaued? and if i am continuing the downward trend, am i have an MS attack? am i have a flare of the supposed fibromyalgia? and if i'm continuing on the plateau, does that mean the MS attacks caused symptoms that have turned into permanent side effects? or has my body just "accepted" the pain, the fatigue, the jerking, the slow and stiff movements? have my eyes done the same? they continue to read despite the black spots and side by side double vision that comes and goes.

sometimes i feel like i am doing more work than the doctors are- i'm way more on top of my medications (37+pills a day), and am usually the one suggesting treatment plans. on days like today, i would swear that the medical profession purposely doesn't answer questions directly so that he/she doesn't have to be solely responsible. but the bottom line is- I AM NOT A DOCTOR. i cannot make these kinds of decisions alone- i need and want their expertise. when i was in va, i felt that i had finally gotten into a good working relationship with the doctors at Georgetown. (quite frankly, i can't imagine why they wanted to keep me as a patient, i was horrible to deal with at first exams- shooting questions, answering with snappy retorts.) but luckily for them, they did anyway :) i had an internist acted as a quarterback- spoke with my other doctors, always available via email and phone, on top of my progress and any declines. he would monitor my pain medications, and refer me to a specialist at any moment he felt things were beyond his jurisdiction. my neurologist had determined most of my problems with MS related, not helped by being tossed around between specialty dr.s for much of '06. he felt an aggressive approach was necessary, which i embraced whole-heartedly.

but now i'm in a new state. i have a new internist, a new neurologist, a new ophthalmologist, and a new physical therapist. none of which know me. none of which are monitoring the gap between dc and pa. i'm already providing them with an entire binder of medical records- any past issues are right at the tips of their fingers!! but at this point i don't KNOW if i'm making progress. i need someone to say "meggie, you're getting better from when i saw you on X day." or "meg, i think you're ready for a trial period of working." or "meggie, let's go down on this medication and see how things work out." or "meg, i don't feel as knowledgeable in this area- let's bring in a X dr. to take a look." i need a doctor to manage my health, not me to blindly try things here and there by trial and error alone.

a few weeks ago, we had spoken with the medical assistant at my new neurologist's office, who told us the dr. would take questions by email. this ROCKS from the patient's end, b/c you don't have to leave endless messages with secretaries, and you can provide all the background info in a consolidated format. (i totally understand that not all docs feel comfortable responding via email- hipaa and all that privacy violation bullshit.) i sent an email asking about my neurologist's recommendation in the nausea medication debate, preferring her final blessing since she is prescribing the tysabri (which is causing the nausea). i also asked her recommendation on which dr. should be the point person, per items listed above (plus any health insurance issues or work related disability issues- rules & regs can be super strict and stringent).

not only did the office manager call to tell me she doesn't take emails from patients, but she also doesn't respond to patients through phone! have you ever heard of such a doctor's office? i realize that you can't contact the dr. at every whim, but at least have a PA available to return phone calls at end of the day hours, or the dr. themselves- even if it's a couple days later! i have to make an appointment to discuss the 2 simple questions above... and it's an hour away in Harrisburg! i broke down after i got off the phone... i have been trying so hard to keep my emotions to myself. after all, crying isn't going to change everything, make all of this go away.

but dealing with my health everyday, dealing with the health care system everyday, dealing with the financial burden of insurance every day, dealing with the reps from the pharmaceutical company, the insurance company, the doctors' offices... it's just too much! i swear, anyone would wind up completely broken down by this process. it makes you think of all the people who don't have the resources i have- parents, a college education, extended health insurance (even tho it's over $500/mo)... they're definitely not extravagant resources, but they help! so how does everyone else do it? ok, i'm done being angry about this stupid issue. i'm going to bed.

falls church metro: the untold story

i hinted at this story in "i get by, with a little help, from my friends"- after you read it, you'll agree it definitely deserved its own posting.

the story begins when our main character, Marylee, made her way zombie-like to chinatown/philly to catch the cheap bus to dc. having existed solely on coffee (black- true MD style) and ramen noodles, she barely noticed when it left 30 minutes early (those poor suckers that stopped for a cheesesteak on the way were SOL until saturday.) she arrived in dc earlier than planned, around 7:30, and had thankfully snapped out of her coma by then. stopping for coffee, she hopped on the metro towards the orange line.

since going into the city early evening on a friday can sometimes be an f*show, we had planned for dad to pick her up at east falls church metro, (suburbia making it easier to navigate- less one way streets, less camera lights, you get the idea.) she was to send a text once she changed lines, signaling dad to leave the hotel for pick up. the operation was in full swing, and dad was on 66 headed towards falls church. he gets off on the correct exit, makes his way to the metro, and was relieved to see that the parking lot was practically empty. he parked the car easily and waited, pleased with himself at getting there early.

unkown to dad, ML was texting me saying she was there, where was the Pilot (car, not referring to dad as the driver) etc. i am slightly confused, but put the 2 in contact with each other. turns out that dad was at west falls church, ML was at east falls church. no big deal, she just went back in and took the other exit. she and dad connect, she hops in the car and mom most likely started the "Jean Inquisition" (btw my mom can find out your entire life story and then more in the first 15 minutes of meeting her.) dad pulls up to the exit gate... the arm doesn't move. he backs up, tries again. the arm still doesn't move.

hmmmm, he ponders. he looks around. he inspects the signage. turns out, he is in the "park & ride" lot. the only way out would be to go into the metro station, buy a metro card ($5), put the minimum $5 balance on the card, swipe the card at the gate, and gain exit from the lot. now, $10 is clearly going to break the bank, so dad decides to measure the space between the arm and the curb... could he do it? nah, it's too risky for the car. defeated, he starts walking towards the station and encounters a "nice looking younger man" moving towards the parking lot. excuse me, says dad, are you parked here? yes. does the arm come down fast when your car leaves? asks dad. we're from out of town, and accidentally pulled into this lot for a pickup. (dad's thinking he could piggy back out of the lot) yes, the arm comes down really fast. says the "nice looking younger man." okay, thank you. defeated again, dad continues walking towards the station.

well, ok, the man says. let's give it a try. (typical men, right? all of this over $10) they cars pull up to the exit gate, and the man in front PEELS out of the lot (we’re talking tires squealing.) dad’s ready, and slams on the accelerator afterwards. guess what? that arm is REALLY fast. suddenly it’s down on the roof. GASP!!!!!! dad slams on the brakes, and there are 2 men walking on the side walk in front of the lot who fear for their lives, apparently thinking dad’s intent was going to hit them. (i would have shared their concern.) now, hopefully ML is going to post a comment on this story, b/c she was the one in the car. but from morgensen history, i can only guess that my mother GRIPS onto my dad’s arm screaming “TOM WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?!” then shields her hands in front of her face. kind of like this:

*Note: This is not my mom, but K8 was nice enough to demonstrate.

and i'm guessing that ML has her hand over her mouth, eyes wide, not knowing whether to laugh or to squeeze her eyes shut. back to the story. the arm is down on the car, dad backs up, and gets out of the car to inspect for damage. (again. this risk over $10.) by this time, the “nice looking younger man” had made it to the corner light, but being the “nice looking younger man” he was, he backed up. likewise, gets out of the car, they share an awkward laugh over how quick that arm really is. he swipes his card, sacrificing his hard earned $5, so that dad can legally get out of the parking lot. and being the “nice looking younger man” he is, refuses to take dad’s $5.

let this be a lesson to all of the piggy backing parking lot cheaters out there- the gate arm at the dc "park & ride" lots are FAST.

cure crew 2007- dc style

+ =

if you can squint your eyes juuuust a bit, until the objects in front of you begin to blur, then the two photos might just mesh together enough to create the 2007 Cure Crew. why 2 photos? the Cure Crew was SO FREAKIN' HUGE with over 40 team members- that the cameras couldn't fit us all in one frame! how awesome is that?!? we pretty much kicked MS ass.

Dad (sign holder) & Mom (sign maker)

to get serious for just a *quick* moment (promise), i want to make sure you understand the gravity of this endeavor. there is no cure for ms. research is the only lifeline those of us have. we may not picture the process, we may not understand it, but the scientists and doctors working behind the scenes? without the funding, they do not exist. so each year inspires me, and the inspiration comes from the 40 people you see in the photos above. and the 40 more that joined us in year 1 or year 2. they're not movie stars, or billionaires, or human rights activists, or networking politicians.

kate gives bryan the DL; steve, tom & john warm up; karen with mom peggy & jeff

jeff & mike; maggie brings kelly to post-walk party; kate, lauren, kathryn, meg, karen & holly

look- you can see for yourself that these ordinary people- lori is a marketing manager for Marriott. kate works in communications at a credit union agency. my mom is an art teacher. daniel works at a bank. lindsay is in media sales. marylee is studying to be a doctor. karen works for a govt. contractor. bryan's in a band. holly works at an advertising agency. matthew is in 1st grade. fran works on the Hill. i could keep going, but you get the picture. no one got up that morning and said "you know what? i'm going to change a life today." but they did. to me, our yearly Cure Crew, is all about this quote:

"Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can." (john wesley)

to give credit where it's due, kate's the one who brought up participating in the ms walk 3 years ago. ehhh, i wasn't so sure. many people- coworkers, friends, neighbors- didn't know about my diagnosis, and i wanted to keep it that way. hello! that was so selfish! the walk is an outlet anyone who otherwise feels helpless and powerless in the face of this disease. and as far as protecting this "big secret" of mine- that was selfish too. what was i so embarressed about? so i wasn't perfect- no one is. if anyone had a problem with it, they weren't my friends in the first place.

so we put a few feelers out... it was unbelieveable! everyone had been touched by ms in some way. and everyone wanted to walk. and those who couldn't walk, they still wanted to help. this part was a bit trickier, but only briefly. being in your early 20s, not to mention living and working in dc, isn't exactly cheap. and we didn't want to break our friends' banks in the fundraising process. so what 24 year-old doesn't live for that 6o'clock beer and bitchfest about their boss? bingo. and the hour closer to the cure happy hour was born. now that you know the basics, on to the '07 results specifically!

3rd Annual Hour Closer to a Cure
the party kicked off thursday evening at 6pm, in the swanky upstairs lounge of Gua Rapo, a tapas restaurant/bar on wilson blvd. in arlington. (*meg excuse: the unemployment budget can't fund the private jet anymore- trust me, i could have used a drink.) the reigns were officially in the hands of team captains kate and karen, who met our guests at the door (and sweetly convinced them to purchase $1 raffle tickets.) we banked on our yearly motto that who can pass up a happy hour that's for a good cause? i definitely would have joined the toast, since a dollar added to the price of sangria, mojitos and miller lites went directly to the team fundraising pot. alas, all things have to come to an end, including this one- and everyone (hopefully) had a 10pm curfew in order to rest up for the upcoming walk on saturday. i didn't get too much from my team captain reporters, but rumor had it...

- by the end of the night, julio had emptied his pockets for the cause (literally. he lost his wallet on the way home.)
- as always, candy drank in style- her beverages were mere accessories to the haute couture gloves grasping them
- a random joe donated 100 big ones!!! (he cited a good heart and the charity cause- all good reasons, but i think kate's "striking" good looks might have had something to do with it)
- final tally: $902!

Cure Crew & the 2007 MS Walk
the weather was typical of spring in dc- random and freezing cold. despite my inability to currently walk long distances, i was about to join in simply to warm up. i think that cure crew veterans account for over 50%! they're probably going to turn Pro on me next year and join another team. jk! i mean, 3 years in a row! i'm speechless. but a few highlights include:

Yolanda & Denise with Yolanda's Fan Club; Yolanda crossing the finish line

one of our 3 yr veterans, AND my fellow sister in MS, Yolanda, came in 3rd place among our team! this woman who wasn't sure she'd be able to walk in the years past, sped past all of our 37 other red walkers! everyone should be inspired by Yolanda. next year, my goal is to join with her and beat ALL the other cure crew-ers to the finish line!

I feel like theme music should be playing here...

Team Burlingham burst on the scene this year- Lori raised over $350 AND came in 1st place for the crew!! coach Paul (aka drill sargeant) placed 2nd, and rumor has it that he allowed NO rest stops- fuel could be consumed ONLY if it could be swiped from a volunteer as they speed walked by.

Ashlee Droscher & Meg at MS Walk start (DC Waterfront)

schmoozing with the big wigs ashleeeeeeeeee droscher has been with us since the beginning, esp in year 1 when we had NO clue what in the hell we were doing. i had to contribute somehow on the big day (besides ordering dad & jeff to hold signs) so i took the photo opp.

Peggy Lunardini (aka rockstar quilt maker) with Meg

"the" quilt i bragged about this hot pink wonder in an earlier posting, but i won't turn down the opportunity to brag again. the quilt was made by peggy (karen's mom)... i'm just stunned, whose friends do this for them? i think you guys totally rock. i nap alot (trust me, this is relevant, just stay with me.) and many times i've been upstairs the entire day- haven't gone outside or have any contact with "the outside world." (the stairs can be too much) and i'll curl up for a nap, and wrap this quilt around me. instantly, i remember you guys and the more than fun times we've had. in fact, many of those times involve me doing stupid things, and i'm ok with that! i'm incredibly blessed.

the photos dc girls at the ww2 memorial, new years eve '05 with the lam sisters & kimmie d, new years eve '04 (if i'm not mistaken, this was where karen & jeff embarked on their journey of love), elle & dt's rehearsal dinner, summertime at john's pool, goofing off in elle & kate's kitchen and beers at dremo's.

the squares martini glass/cheers! (karen), fish (i L-O-V-E this one fran), the dc skyline (lindsay), MEG starburst (karen), k8 luvs m3 (kate), unc (lauren, right?), lady g/maddie/beau (elle), music (kathryn)

final plug the walk may have ended saturday afternoon on april 14th, but the deadline for donations does not end until may 24th. this year, the Cure Crew goal was $10,000- and we're soooooo close. i'm 99% sure that we're going to make it, if not BEAT it! but at press time (hee hee), we have raised $8,898.00.

i get by, with a little help, from my friends...

i have the most kick ass, generous, considerate, hilarious, and most of all, supportive friends in the world. yep, i'd bet my cats on it. (and THAT is hard core.) in only the 6 weeks that i have relocated to PA (that sounds so professional, doesn't it? like it was a big stepping stone or something) i've had 4 visits with girlfriends (and a dog), a beautiful memory quilt in HOT PINK and black and white, and loads of mail. (my mom is seriously jealous. they have lived here for almost a year, and none of that has occurred.)

over heather's visit, we attempted to dye my newly cut off hair bright blonde. however, since my hair is technically blonde already, it didn't work out so well. as in, NOT AT ALL. we were picking through the strands trying to find evidence of our 3 hour ordeal. nada. zip. zero. at least it didn't turn pink, right? however last week i gave up and went to the salon to have it professionally done. (SORRY ERIN!) buuuuuut, it's going to have to last quite some time, since the experience completely drained me and caused quite the increase in pain. (moving from chair to hairwash to dryer to chair to hairwash, you get the picture.) but oh i had missed that salon hairwash so so much.... ahhhhhh. ok back to heather's visit. in addition to the hair dying experiment, we had ice cream probably every night. next time i'll make sure to stock up on "real" ice cream, since heather was appalled at the sugar free, fat free, light bullshit going on in the freezer. by the end of the visit though, i had to nickname her Sergeant Kilcoin- the woman was ALL OVER ME about doing my at-home PT exercises. she was more hard core than my mother!


candy arrived in a flur of activity as usual! after completely driving past the entire town, and apparently stopping for breaks every 45 minutes (no offense babe, but i won't be able to take a road trip with you. we'll just have to get rich and fly on a private jet- dogs allowed) she lept out of the car with about as much energy as frank (for you folks that aren't in DC area, frank is a dog, not to be confused with the 80-year-old crotchety doorman that chain smokes outside during his shifts at Port Royal. if she had brought him along i would have been concerned.) there wasn't much Hotel California gossip since the firing of robert (what the hell were they thinking?!) but don't worry, we found enough to keep ourselves talking. i don't think we left the leather couches in the family room except to walk over to the kitchen- Cold Case, Desperate Housewives, Law & Order...


marylee and k8 technically count, even tho the visit was held in tysons corner. we had a slumber party (k8 had to leave early, her curfew was at 10:30) at the Courtyard Marriott (shout out to lori!!!) the friday night before the MS walk in DC. k8 had a crucial contribution of wine, which ML enjoyed most of (hee hee) and i even had a glass! mom and dad let us have our own room (we're big girls now) and even shared their P.F. Changs with us (requesting a special gluten free meal and soy sauce for me!!!) mom had been looking forward to it for weeks, ever since claudia introduced the yummy food to her one night in february, altho she kept referring to it as pg ken's or something morgen-ized like that. the most hysterical part of this story involves the orange line, east falls church, my dad, and a parking lot. this tale deserved its own posting, but you can read about the story in "falls church metro: the untold story." my 4.0 med school friend, who had a hematology exam that day, probably hadn't slept in a week and most likely had lived on coffee and ramen noodles, chose to get on a dirty, smelly, crowded bus right after her exam and ride bumpily through 495 S to the metro and even CHANGE LINES to spend one night in DC with ME. most of that night being me threatening "i'm about to vomit... okay now i'm really about to throw up... omg i am so nauseous" until she put the tiny hotel trash can next to my head. (btw i would have probably missed the trash can anyway, the opening is about the size of a coke can.)


From Left/Top: Eleanor, Meg, Fran, Kate, Lauren
From Left/Bottom: Lindsay, Karen, Peggy (quilt maker!), Kathryn

i will conclude this friend bragging post about the ladies that pulled off the memory quilt (and yes, peggy, u are included!) either i am on way too much medication, or these guys were really sneaky. (i'm guessing it's a combination of both.) before Cure Crew 07 took to the trails on the MS walk we had to take our annual photo with the society folks (thanks to team captain kate- who should be renamed as boot camp instructor team captain kate- we actually left on time this year.) unfortunately, i was nearing meltdown at this point, having focused on not vomiting, not falling over, not falling asleep, and smiling since 8am. but right when i thought the team had taken off and i was in the clear for crashing in the car- they came back!!!!!!

i was totally confused (doesn't take much these days) and everyone was looking at me smiling expectantly. i briefly wondered if the team captains were to have given speeches or something and panicked a bit. but then karen rushes over to me, dropping a gift bag (with tulips on the front- yes i noticed karen! fyi people those are my favorite flowers) and ran away from me crying like it was going to self destruct or something. once i got with the program, i opened the bag, and pulled out an amazing and beautiful quilt. it is a memory quilt, HOT pink, black and black-white patterned, with various squares having personal contributions from the girls. some were photographs, or collages, others were sequined outlines (btw lindsay, that DC skyline is most impressive!) i have never received such an intimate and personal gift, and i feel that it speaks volumes for the friends i am so lucky to have. ok, cheese fest is done. don't forget to check out "the falls church metro untold story."

the rose ceremony- M.D. style

my dating patterns seem to be either all or nothin'. i either have no dates for 6 months, or 6 dates in 6 weeks. when the latter occurs, my girlfriends would joke that meg was having a "rose ceremony" (mimicking the show, "The Bachelor", where the hot, accomplished, perfect man gives out roses to the chosen women at the end of an elimination round.) so when i realized that YOU were the only advocate for your medical care, and that you could actually, gasp, go to another doctor if you didn't like the one you had...

ok, stop. don't roll your eyes at me like you already KNEW this. half of you don't even have a primary care physician (i can rant about this forever- just ask kate!)

anyway, back to what i was saying...i decided to apply the rose ceremony approach to my neurologist transition from VA to PA. after many hours of driving, waiting, examinations, waiting, more driving, arguing, more waiting... the final rose (err, mom's credit card) was given to a neurologist in Harrisburg, a Dr. Barbara O'Connell at PNNI (Pennsylvania Neurosurgery & Neuroscience Institute.) mentioning the word "Harrisburg" alone was enough to send mom into a fit of anxiety (she made Dad do a "trial run" there and back the weekend before) <--note, Harrisburg is 1 hour from Lewisburg, so this isn't like doing a quick directions test from Old Town to Arlington. (oh- i don't quite have *clearance* to drive, so poor Mom has to take on most of the chauffeur needs.)

as most of you know, i tend to have erratic sleeping patterns. i can pull 3 hours of sleep/night for weeks, then crash and spend every available moment clutching my pillows and walking like a zombie. the latter was occurring when the journey to my scheduled appt with Dr. O'Connell began. Dad had told my mother "don't worry, Meg will be with you, she'll tell you where to go"- that clearly wasn't going to be an option. all i remember is mom shaking me awake, shoving a rice cake in my hand, and telling me that we were there. after so many failed appts, you become a bit jaded regarding doctors, nurses and the office staff. i was eyeing the building a bit cautiously- it was nice, for one thing. the elevator even worked. the office suite was painted in calming colors, and fake foliage (but not the plastic tacky kind) was placed throughout the room. the nurse took us back to the standard white sterile room where we began the required waiting period- everyone knows this is true. 10 mins is the norm, 15 is doable (altho pushing it if you're trying to get back for a 1:30 meeting), but when the clock gets to 20, your eyes start rolling and you wished you had grabbed that US Weekly from the magazine rack.

however, this she immediately earned some of that time back. not only did she LOOK at some of my paperwork i had brought along in advance, but she actually read my Rx list itself, and walked into the room offering a recipe for "bowel regularity" (<-- i'm keeping this PC for all readers.) her special interest of neurology is MS and movement disorders, so the recipe is prescribed to many of her patients that battle with such problems. email me, and i'll hook you up. (note: it works as well as the "black magic" that we discovered during our January Girls Weekend 07, but goes down much easier!)

she introduced herself, and asked the same standard questions but then told me to start however i felt comfortable, perhaps a quick summary. (NOTHING regarding my medical history is "quick.") i explained to her that i had just relocated from DC since recent relapses and symptoms of my MS had left me unable to work and, unfortunately, care for myself on a day to day basis. i told her that i was looking for a neurologist that agrees with my current line of treatment (medication-wise being Tysabri), that would take me on as a patient, and help me get back to an independent level physically-speaking. that's easy enough, but then i had to start the dreaded "Meg's Life, Chapters 2004-2007," which judging from the white 3" binder i had with me, is quite a novel.

but what was different with her, vs. many doctors i have seen over the years, is that we were having a conversation. she wasn't drilling me with questions, she wasn't cutting me off in the middle of an explanation, we were simply talking. she was pleased that i was using the cane (sarcasm: oh i love those walking exercises they "test" you on.) we talked at length about my eyes- well, let me rephrase that. she shone her pen light at length in my eyes. seriously, i thought i was going to be blind the rest of my life!!!! i was thinking "you better have found something terribly wrong in that damn eye" and she just kept saying "just look at that spot on the wall" (it was PITCH BLACK in the room). we talked about my fatigue, and difficulty concentrating, as well the problems i have swallowing, and the ever embarrassing slurring of words.

but before i knew it, i was up to the present day- without making me feel rushed, or brushing off a single question or concern. (oh, and by the way, she did agree to take me on as a patient. must have been my charm!) afterwards, we did have a few questions... how many patients do you have on Tysabri? (10) have you seen MS patients in such severe and diffuse pain as Meg? (Yes. It's uncommon, but has seen it.) can MS patients suffer from Fibromylagia as well? (Yes. Has had a few patients that have both.) do you think Meg has Fibromyalgia in addition to her MS? (It could definitely be playing a role.) do you have many MS patients that are Meg's age? (No, most are in their middle age.) but... we had a couple blunt questions to finish up with, the decisions that seem to follow me everywhere.

Do you agree with the medications Meg is on- specifically the high dosage narcotics to treat her pain? Yes. I think you do what you have to do to get through the day. (this is where i brought up the harsh reaction and admonishment from an unnamed neurologist in williamsport. i loved her comment: what does he know? does he know what it's like?) Once the Tysabri starts kicking in, and we get your MS under control, we can then talk about lowering the dosage.

Are we doing the right thing? Meaning our treatment plan of Tysabri? Yes. While you're young, and you're healthy be as aggressive as you can be. I agree with hitting it hard while you can. (For those of you that don't know what Tysabri is, go ahead an google it, but i'm going to do a post on it in the next few days.) The reason I know this, is because I was diagnosed with MS when I was 23, in my first year of Medical School. I had gone completely blind in one eye and was terrified.

Our jaws hit the floor. There I was, looking at her- so smart, accomplished, clearly talented. And she has been there. She's felt everything that anyone with MS has at one time or another- terrified. She told me a few other tidbits of her life then, and her life now. And I felt that I was truly in the right place, and that I was going to be taken care of by a doctor that is not only qualified in the medical sense- but in the emotional sense as well.

there are no ordinary cats

"I called my cat William because no shorter name fits the dignity of his character..."

(Josh Billings)

Unfortunately, the health of the Morgensen family has not been limited to myself. Today we lost our old man Willie, who hung in there with the best of them. Traditionally, you hear of cats and dogs "going away to die." But with house pets, it's a bit different- they still know when their time is up, but they are loyal to the very end, waiting patiently for US to be ready. What flattery, to be loved by an animal.

We have always been an animal family. It must be something you are born with, some innate ability to connect with animals on an emotional level, to find their company not only enjoyable but an extension of ourselves. I have to admit, Willie was... interesting. In fact, I remember frequently referring to him as "psycho-cat" from his tendancy to randomly attack your leg when you innocently walked by (having apparently invaded the boundaries of his personal space.) We adopted him from a local shelter because my aunt Nancy said he had "the look." We laugh about that quite often, wondering what exact "look" she might have seen that day. He had many looks, most commonly, a quaint snarl and hiss!

Each member of the family usually ends up taking to a particular pet (or two.) Mine was Tina, a tiny tabby who looks almost exactly like my current baby, Madeline. Their similarity is uncanny- you would only be able to tell the difference among photos b/c of the yellowed age of the photo paper itself. But Willie was probably most loved by my mother. I have never seen a woman love a cat so much that PERSISTENTLY hissed, bit, and pawed at her (in fact, more than any other member of the family.) I think she loved him MORE each time he behaved in such a manner. In addition, my brother Mike seemed to take to this guy more so than any of our previous cat; in fact, we used to joke that my brother and Willie were a perfect match in their bachelorhood.

On the way home from the vet this afternoon, both of us teary eyed, my mom said something that really struck me. She said "I've never believed in giving up on an animal... they're all different, some are mean, some are nice, some are simply there. But they're all yours in the end."

And it never gets easier to let them go.