X-Man Stealth

Suggested Stealth Action Figure

i've decided that MS should be given a character in the x-men comic team- one with the ability to become completely invisible, invade victims silently, and vanish after they've wreaked havoc. x-man "Stealth" ... i like it! it has a nice ring to it! but those of us in stealth-anonymous don't talk much about his attacks. can you blame us? besides being totally embarrassing, it can make you feel like you're a disgusting, powerless child. not to mention, they're not exactly topics that are dinner table appropriate or used as a pick-up line at a thursday night happy hour.

and it is true- there is an obvious stigma associated with these type of afflictions. but, hey, i've been known to share too much information at first introductions, so why stop now? so the truth is, i've been having some... "GI issues." (clearly spurred by Stealth himself.) don't worry, i'm not going to get too nitty-gritty with the details here- i'll be as vague as possible, and you can feel free to use your imagination...


battleground setting: some of my nerves are damaged (you don't say). and some of these damaged nerves aren't in ideal locations (shocking).

attack mode: some of my precious damaged and lesion-filled nerves have decided to send their little coded signals to my bladder and bowels at incorrect times, which in turn causes those muscles to work with little or no warning. OR the same rattled nerves fail to deliver any messages at all (what the hell are these retarded nerves doing attending a damaged nerve support group? having a date auction with the non damaged stud nerves?)

YIKES! CODE RED! we are now dealing with either a backup problem or a total flood, depending on which of the above mentioned scenarios are playing out. now, this alone is enough drama to deal with. but as the backup continues to build, instead of work itself out, the damage continues to my bladder/bowel muscles themselves, and they become too weak to do their own job (for example, emptying)! i'm telling you guys, it's a consequential shit storm (get it?) with a never ending bag of tricks.

analysis: i'm consider myself to be an understanding person- i'm even changed the rules once in awhile. but dammit, not always! and none of those situations are occurring at appropriate times. come on- there's nothing hotter than strapping yourself into an adult diaper before you slip that nightgown on and slide into bed. (at least they had velcro straps you could make tighter- can you not find Depends in an xsmall? or that don't have a huge "frontal" area? don't they make these gender-specific?) the up side of this is i'm obviously not bringing men home these days, phew! (just kidding mom & dad!!!)

present day: today i had one of the yummiest and creamiest barium cocktails i've had the pleasure of receiving over the years. and they were nice enough to serve me 3 times! yes, you guessed it- i had a CT scan. fun times. now, in dc, i'd pick up the barium in advance, mix it up the day of, gulp it down an hour before while still at the office, then run over for the 10 minute scan. apparently they don't adhere to this option in lewisburg.

i had to "check-in" and "pre-register" at the local hospital 2 hours in advance, which consisted of "yes, my name is meggie morgensen" and "yes, that is my phone number, thank you!". afterwards, i was taken to the CT waiting room, where a nurse served my first cup of barium. at first sip, i was pleasantly surprised by the taste- it had improved from the fake raspberry flavor i had at fairfax radiology last year. it tasted like a watered down cake mixture- almost like those ones you whipped together with easy bake oven as little girl (i loved those!) well that quickly wore off. i was served a cup every 15 minutes, and by the 3rd, the thought of cake mixture made me want to vomit. then, i was escorted to yet another room, this time to have my IV put in (the contrast solution) by another nurse.


pause by the way, she used a local anesthetic before she inserted the IV- i barely felt anything at all! i asked her what trick she used for such an easy insertion, and she told me about the Novocaine. i'm surprised that more doctors/nurses do not use such a process, however i'm sure it "affects the budget" and therefore dismissed. resume


back to my marathon CT process. finally, the last cocktail was served and i was escorted by yet another nurse to the scan room. i was pleasantly surprised to meet the radiologist- he was damn good-looking, and obviously smart- hence his profession (knowing this town, i'm sure engaged or has some live-in skank, err, i mean girlfriend.) finally the damn machine whirred to life and the happy little green face smiled as it instructed me to breathe in and out. the CT scan itself took MAYBE 10 minutes. a different nurse escorted me back to the waiting room (i swear the nurse population there must be off the charts) and pleasantly explained to me that the barium has a laxative in it, so i would be feeling the repercussions shortly. ha. she doesn't know my screwed up body, but i gave her an understanding smile anyway. (the laxative never kicked in. it was probably blocked by Stealth.)

if you're wondering the reason for the above explained medical test, then you clearly haven't been paying attention. jk. i had pleaded (again) with my internist that the situation was getting out of control and explained (again) all the symptoms the best i could. unfortunately, due to the amount of medications i am on, having ms, and the high powered Tysabri medication, the doctors' have been hesitant to single this out. i don't blame them- there's just too many options, and until either my meds are reduced or i have more experience with the Tysabri infusions, it's almost a waste of time to investigate. in other words, continue to suck it up meg!

but this time, i had an in. she was concerned with an area of tenderness on my lower left abdomen (and by tenderness, i mean PAIN) and scheduled an x-ray, which showed some type of mass. the CT scan would give them a much clearer picture of what *might* be going on. between last friday and today, i was told to only eat "bland foods" which was somewhat hilarious, considering i already don't eat gluten (how much more bland can you get?!) and have even cut down further since anything i eat gives immediate cramps or further consequences that you might imagine from my writings above. i'm not banking on an "ah-hah!" moment from this experiment, but i'm thankful she was concerned enough to try.


for those of you that are still with me, i applaud you for listening patiently as i frankly outlined bladder and bowel issues and how they interact with the central nervous system. we're practically family now! but to clarify, MS is just one of the reasons these issues can happen to people- over 2 million americans are dealing with this shit (again, get it?! sorry, i couldn't resist)- it affects their entire lives...social, physical, and even work activities. so next time you see your coworker, let him/her know that you are open to discussing their incontinence problems around the water cooler. make that open atmosphere happen people! ;)