it's much easier to compare progress when it is marked by a specific time period. holidays, obviously, are one. and this holiday is the first in a long time that i honestly feel physically better. it's such a good feeling. i can literally sit here, reflect on that, and be perfectly content- b/c it's that rare for me, and i know it will be fleeting. dr. adam's words still ring in my ears- "i wouldn't be surprised if it took you a good 1-2 years to recover from this, if you fully receover from this." i can say with confidence (knock on wood) that i'm past that 1 year mark.
when you wake up in the morning, do you do a mental assessment of your state of existence? maybe this is just me, since i have been known to have a few (endearing) quirks (errr, neurosis?) but when i first wake up in the morning- the immediate moment when i realize i am awake, i have a little conversation with myself. ok, what's hurting and how bad is it? what will i try to do today? what is going to be my limit and where i am going to hit my wall? (i used to become completely overwhelmed during these intimate chats, so i had to put the kabash on them temporarily.)
but now those same conversations are not so overwhelming- i look at the challnges for the day, and they seem more manageable. i can see that light at the end of the tunnel. i'm still working towards my pipe dream of learning how to ballroom dance. side note: for those of you that don't know, i'm slightly obsessed with DWTS- that's "Dancing With The Stars" for the non-acronym friendly. so if i miraculously fully recover, to the point where i can walk like a normal person, or even a half normal person (hey, Heather Mills did it and she has half a leg!), i'm going to take ballroom dancing lessons. yes, laugh now- laugh all you want. we'll see who's laughing when i worm my way onto Dancing with the Stars (or a bar mitzvah. you know, whichever comes first.)
something i am able to finally do this year is go out to dinner... at a restaurant... in public...with other people... and enjoy myself! tonight, i was taken out on the town by my good friend stacie and her husband josh (technically, josh was responsible for the invitation- my insider opinion is that he was trying to score a date with 2 hot women, not that i can blame him!) we went to Elizabeth's, a little bistro downtown across from the old movie theatre. we laughed a lot, i ate real food (spinach salad with walnuts, dried cranberries and warm pear, follow by an entree of salmon with tomato/fennel, clams and shrimp), and even had a glass of pinot grigio (without getting sick!) i participated in the conversation, we bitched about ms and the ever increasing stupidity of others, and even spoke clearly 99.5% of the time! i put on makeup, and wore real clothes (even convinced mom to let me borrow her dark rinse skinny jeans for the occasion). clearly i haven't had a date in over a year- is it that obvious?? i was really on a roll, so decided to extend the evening by inviting them back to the house (where we could be entertained by dad's new lava lamp and the burping golden retriever). but i think i had gotten too carried away, so i had to un-invite them once we got home- i had hit my wall of exhaustion! random side note- does anyone know about the monkeys in lewisburg? i have not seen this for myself, so for all i know josh could be perpetrating lewisburg lore and i am incredibly gullible. but supposedly there is a cage of monkeys (yes, like the armpit screeching mammals, not the 60's boy band) by the entrance/exit of the tunnel under highway 15 to/from Bucknell's campus. i'm going to check this out in the daylight tomorrow, and will report back.
so to recap on tonight's blog, i'm in a much better place than last year at this time. and what more could you really ask for? besides monkeys, but that's a whole other story.
remember, you can view these postings directly on kit katchat's blog http://meggerv2.blogspot.com/
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