the first lady

did you know that our first lady has a personal connection to MS? i rarely read the MS marketing and educational materials that come my way (i know, i know- it's a mental thing/emotional aversion). however, mom handed me an article from the momentum spring 2009 issue, and to my surprise, michelle obama's classy face jumped off the page:


"Michelle obama spoke movingly about her father in her speech at the Democratic National Convention last year:


'My dad was our rock. And although he was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in his early thirties, he was our provider... But as he got sicker, it got harder for him to walk. Took him longer to get dressed in the morning. But if he was in pain, he never let on. He never stopped smiling and laughing, even while struggling to button his shirt.'


To view the entire speech, go to youtube and type in "Michelle Obama DNC" in the search field."


the blurb reminded me of a conversation i had with jana at cherry alley on friday. her husband remarked that she turns into a completely different person when she's in public and dealing with her illness. she may be nearly comatose on the couch but when someone walks in the house, she's bright and perky, smiling and laughing. he's right- actually, he has hit our confliction dead on. i know this because i do the same thing, and i cannot stop it from happening, regardless of how aware i may be of the transformation.


there could be many reasons for this "public face", but i believe that the most relevant one is that it is a personal battle. i don't want anyone to see me sick, to see me in pain, to see me curled up in a ball with tears seeping out the corners of my eyes. while some days it may be the reality, i prefer to deal with it myself. how can i put this in terms that you will understand?


let's say that you have the flu, or a viscious cold. you know the type- your head is so congested that you can barely think, let alone breath. your voice sounds like a strained instrument stuck on the wrong chord. you're registering a fever of 101 and running to the bathroom to vomit every few minutes. ok, this may be extreme but i have a point, i promise. do you want to be surrounded by people? most likely it's the last thing you'd prefer. in fact, you probably have wrapped yourself up in a ratty old blanket and holed yourself up in a bedroom with the TV on "the view" while you down tylenol cold/flu formula. you're just going to put in your time with this bout of sickness and then face the world again. am i right?


the symptoms and challenges may be different but you and i share the same feelings. there's a reason you don't see myself or jana when we're sick, and it's because we don't want you to. we're reminded of our illness every second of every hour of every day- we don't need you to be reminded of it as well. sometimes i feel like i have two lives, and there is a constant struggle between the two for a proper balance. so reading this comment from michelle obama about her father really hit home, and even though it was brief in length it was actually quite comforting. maybe i just needed a reminder that i'm not the only one putting on a public face.