there is another aspect of MS to MS friendships that i believe is more common. i think that the aversion to meeting and befriending others with MS isn't because we are hermits, but has more to do with admitting our disability. it is one thing to understand you have the disease, and live your life around/with it. but it is quite another to be paired with someone that has MS- you realize, wow, i really have this. it serves has a reminder- and not necessarily one you want to be reminded of. for a long time, i steered clear of associating with the MS Support Group crowd that my parents frequent- for this exact reason. i didn't want to sit in a room with other disabled, depressed people complaining about their various challenges. it's depressing!! i don't want to be reminded of that, or worse, have a visual encounter of where my life could be in 10 years.
as i've written about before, Lewisburg is a small town. no, really- SMALL. i thought i knew what small was, considering i grew up in High Point, NC. there were about 35,000 people there. but Lewisburg? we're talking 5,600 people small. and i am quickly coming to understand that being this small means that everyone knows everyone else- and intimately, too. hell- they have even heard of me, and i've just started making public appearances this summer! when mom and i moved here in march, mom began adjusting into her new life- making small talk with the neighbors, walking the dog, working out at the bucknell fitness center. apparently mom's first topic of conversation has to do with her daughter, me. it's like she word vomits my situation immediately "oh by the way my daughter has MS"- so she can get it over with and have it out in the open.
she began to hear of a younger woman that worked at FBC who had been recently diagnosed and was having somewhat of a difficult time. mom urged me to meet her, but i wasnt' interested nor did i know if she even wanted to be confronted by yet another person. there was no way i was going to make her feel better in the state that i was in- barely walking, exhausted constantly, in wicked bad moods from adjusting to my "new life", etc. yeah, i'd be a bucket of joy for her! but every time i met someone with my mother, they would bring this woman up! i mean, they seriously wanted us to be friends. (i guess i could take that as a compliment, they must think i ROCK! either that or she's super hard up for female companionment!!) finally, a couple months ago, mom was talking to some women after church, and before i knew it, mom was in my face dragging a woman behind her and said, "Meg. Jana. Meg has MS. So does Jana." omg i was a bit mortified. i think she was too- or maybe caught off guard was the better word to describe it.
we only had 5 or 10 mins to chat, as she was off to a board meeting, but in that 10 mins we wound up talking nonstop. about our specific ailments, questions we have, our "story" of ms- but we barely scratched the surface. on the ride home, i was telling mom how much i liked her, and it would be good to know someone around my age that is going through this. but at the same time, i don't know where is in her life right now- how much help does she want, how much should i butt in, etc. from past experience, i know that i have turned down a lot of offers of help until i was ready. plus- i didn't know her too well, i wouldn't even know how to help her at the moment.
we've since emailed and seen each other before/after church, and i really like her. i know i should like a total nerd, but i don't have many friends in the area. there is amy, a cool chick that heads up the Neighbors & Newcomers, who is from charlotte and has 2 young boys. then there is debra, my next door neighbor, who has 3 young kids. as much as i adore both of those women, their lives are in a different place than mine right now, and they have priorities and lifestyles that just don't mesh with mine. although i love our coffee talks! but now i have jana- and it's great on both levels. yes, she does have MS, so i have a person i can vent to who really knows what is going on. AND she's younger, and single, and i'm hoping can help me ease out into this town, meet new people and have some new experiences.
we went out to lunch on wednesday to a little cafe inside the Pennsylvania House outlet store by the Library. (i was psyched b/c i have NEVER gone out to lunch in Lburg- except once with ML- AND i was going to have some girl talk time!) jana came and picked me up (i'm still not driving, but i'm going to take the car for some test drives this weekend), and from the time we got in the car, to when she drove me home, we talked nonstop. it's SO comfortable to talk to someone who REALLY KNOWS. don't get me wrong- all my friends and family let me vent and cry and complain. but it was refreshing to talk to someone that is sharing many of my experiences. and we could ask each other questions and advice, because what we are going through is scary. it's LIFE long. and we've got to learn to live with it- but doing that on your own, by yourself, is very hard. trust me, been there, done that, got the tshirt.
this post wasn't wildly funny or extremely enlightening, but i just wanted to share that i've made another friend. and i don't care that she has MS.
remember- you can view these postings directly on kitkat chat's blog: http://meggerv2.blogspot.com/
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