i have not had a glass, a drop, a sip of wine since meredith was here in june. even then, i threw it up an hour later, so i technically, it doesn't count. with that one out, it has actually been since february. and that was only 1/2 a glass. so technically, that doesn't count either. which brings me to... god, i can't even remember when. I REALLY MISS MY GLASS OF VINHO VERDE WITH DINNER. (or with lunch, or maybe breakfast depending on the hour. oh, and with a movie. or just the news.)
just for the record, i do understand this is quite petty and possibly borderline materialistic, but is it really too much to ask? can't a girl have a drink? i'd even throw in the MS card and the shit i have to put up with on a daily basis, and my case gets even stronger. i'm not even pleading for the hard liquor. i just want a simple glass of pinot grigio- hell, i'd even take a chardonnay at this point (as long as it's not oak-ey, i do have my principles ya know.) and that really shows i'm desperate.
you probably assume i can't drink because of my endless medications, and that i am being a good patient by obeying the prescription labels. um, no. i never read those things anyway (i recommend you do the same)- besides, they can really mess with your head. next thing you know, you'll be convinced the red spot on your left pinky is morphing into a fatal side effect. besides, i have been drinking my way through meds and IVs the past 3 years. mom even asked my doctors (repeatedly) if i should still be drinking- they all laughed and said they didn't see why not. (love them!) the real reason i'm not drinking is very simple. i throw up. we're not talking get a little nauseous, or get a slight headache. oh, no. we're talking about half an hour later i just start vomiting.
it started with red wine in 2005- i was convinced it was just the particular "label" and i worked my way thru others. i threw up each time. candy gently suggested i stop searching for the elusive vomit-free label after too many evenings spent with me on the bathroom floor. so, as much as it pained me to give up my winter unwinding habit, i do have a special place in my heart for michelob ultra (i know, i know, totally lame and girly.) but get this- the same damn thing happened! i tried a bottle of mich lite (patty & i? we go way back with this...) and again, it failed me. i even attempted a draft miller lite at ragtime one night- baaaaaad idea.
at this point, i was down red wine and beer. (not the best odds.) but since i'm at that age in life where everyone in the world has decided to get married, i've been through few open bars in my time. i've always been a fan of gin & tonic (thank you ellie) so i was relieved i had a stand by. background: shannon and i made a road trip over thanksgiving 2 years ago (wow, was it that long ago?!) to chapel hill- it was liz's wedding. when the time came for the reception, and i calmly ordered the chosen drink. no pressure, right? i got it down ok, and thought i was in the clear. but the next morning, when mom & dad came to pick me up, and we had to stop on the side of the highway for me to puke into the weeds!
all of this was very tumultuous, but at least i had my white wine, which is truly the love of my life. we have spent many nights on the rooftop of my building and thru episodes of desperate housewives at candy's apt across the hall. for a while, our relationship was stable- we even made it through the worst of the worst (last year around this time when i couldn't even brush my own teeth or walk to the bathroom.) but suddenly, around christmas/new years, i noticed a change. i was having to force the wine down my throat- never has this happened to me in my LIFE of drinking wine. (which of course mom, was AFTER i turned 21.) and then it happened- it was during our yearly girls weekend on the cape, which is always filled with vinho verde and pinot grigio. during a game of scrabble (another hot item at during our weekends) i wasn't able to drink anymore. the nausea was constant.
so now you can see how traumatic this experience has been, and understand how desperately i miss my wine. but there is hope, and i have somewhat of an experiment. since i am off tysabri, i am curious if my system will be able to stomach a gentle wine. (the doctors theorize that the med was so toxic that it was wreaking havoc upon my digestive system- perhaps in combination with one of the other drugs.) i plan to test this over Thanksgiving, but very cautiously- i don't want to ruin all that good food by heaving it into the toilet. but in the meantime, i'll just keep on yearning for wine. by the way- thanks for letting me vent. i feel much better now.
remember, you can access my blog directly by going to http://meggerv2.blogspot.com
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