“wow, your hair looks fantastic today- did you do something different with it?” i received this (flattering) compliment 3 times today by my doctor, nurse, and friend at the bank. i was at a loss for words at the time, so blurted out the truth, which is “oh, thanks! i washed it!” so I’m thinking i should do that more often, if that’s the type of effect it’s having on people. hah!! oh, fun times…
today was my monthly checkup with Dr. INT1, which was a bit appropriate considering i feel like the tin man without any grease for his joints. recently, i have been able to ditch the cane on certain occasions (as long as it’s for a short period of time, or length of walking), so having to go back to using it consistently is a bit of a disappointment. i don’t know if it’s all the traveling, or just the usual ebb/flow of the disease, but moving just an inch takes so much effort. my pace has slowed doooooooowwwwwn to a crawl, with a bit of a hobble-shuffle move, trying not to bend my knees or ankles as much as i can get away with. i feel like i am encased in armor (very rusty armor, think 17th century), but instead of the armor creaking with strain and pain, that’s my actual joints. lovely, isn’t it?
i tend to develop favoritism for various nurses from time to time- i guess you could call it an RN crush of sorts. hah! to be honest, i know most of the nurses in the Internal Medicine and Neurology departments, and we’ve gotten to know each other well over the past year. (i should get one of those “Buy 10 Coffees, Get 1 Free” type memberships for the doctors’ offices!) But sue is one of my favorites, and today she scored major points. first, she took pity on me and my pain expression and slow hobble as we walked through the corridors, and instead of leading me to the VERY LAST ROOM (that always happens to me at doctors’ offices and movie theatres- odd combination i know) she aborted that intended mission and put me in one of the front exam rooms so i didn’t have to walk that far. then, she made the mistake of asking how i was feeling and my stress level, and consequently, got an earful in the latter category. to top it all off, she saw me curl up on the exam table (my trademark pose when i’m not feeling well- fetal position with my hands clasped together supporting my head) and came back to cover me up with a blanket. i know, she’s awesome.
a pre-med intern was working w/ Dr. INT1 today, and i gave that lucky young pup permission for him to sit in on my appointment. when he entered the room and was introduced, she told me she had given him a 2 minute synopsis of my condition, which just made me laugh out loud. that’s quite hilarious (not to mention impressive), putting 4 years, and 280 pages of medical records and testing into 2 minutes- quite the talent she must have!
so when Dr. INT1 came into the room (right as i was drifting off into a short daydream- damn that timing!) her first remark was “oh dear, I was worried this would happen.” what she was referring to is the recent (and upcoming) traveling i’ve been doing, but when i told her i actually just got back from the short trip- i hadn’t gone on the long trip yet- a look of concern flashed across her face. it was a brief look, but i saw it. (those docs, they try not to worry you!) she’s happy that i’m getting out and getting a change of environment, but she knows how much stress that puts on my weakened body and well, puts me in a state like i am now.
but she’s not the only person that has voiced their concern or objection to the upcoming trip to CA (hodges, I am talking about you!)- my mom keeps fretting, saying “oh, how how HOW are you going to do this? if i were you i would never have said i’d go in the FIRST place!” yes mother(s), i know, i know. and trust me, i’m not exempt from the concern either, i just try to hide it from everyone else that's already worrying. i look at it as an unchangeable fact- i’m going, and i’ll just have to deal with it, one way or the other. when I’m traveling, i try to be very sensitive to putting my physical restrictions on the people i’m with, so i tend to retreat into myself when i’m not feeling well, instead of complaining. (go lay down, go into another room, rest on the sofa, take a nap, etc.) first of all, i think those kinds of people are flat out annoying as hell, so i don’t ever want to be grouped with them! but secondly, this is something that isn’t going to go away! ever! i have about 60 more years (hopefully!) to learn how to live with this, and i have to start sometime. besides, i already feel like i miss out on so much… i don’t want to add yet another line to that list.
during my exam, my fingers were clutched around the sides of my cheeks, trying to release the tension that recent Trigeminal Neuralgia and Neuropathy flares have done to increase my TMJ. it’s been so painful the past few days (and while i was in NC- i would go to sleep at night with frozen vegetables wrapped in a washcloth!) that i’ve been desperate to seek some relief. we decided to start back the Tegretol to address the neuropathy, but i told her i would only take the medication if i was absolutely unable to stand it in CA (right now i’m just trying to push through it, as even additional muscle relaxers, my existing Methadone schedule, and even additional Percocet isn’t doing much in my favor). i doubt that Tegretol is going to be the magic cure, but i suppose you never know…
(we did discuss increasing my Methadone dosage, but quite honestly, i don’t think i can go through that again, especially since i’ll be out of town for the next couple weeks. the first adjustment was difficult enough- i slept through most of may!) i am taking my dear laptop with my on my upcoming trip(s) so watch out everyone, i'll be blogging from the road! (errr, make that the overpriced, baggage-charging, always late, no longer friendly skies...)
remember, you can view these postings directly on kitkat chat's blog http://meggerv2.blogspot.com/
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